Caught in the Forbidden Zone. A True Story.
Some fences are made of driftwood. Others are made of edible trellis peas
Field Note #8 – Galloway the Guinea Pig
aka your fave rogue influencer, back from the wilderness — literally.
Hey fam,
Miss me?
You may have noticed a slight content gap. That’s because I was, um… briefly off-grid. Not in the sexy, curated way. In the “accidentally vanished during a routine perimeter inspection” way.
Long story short:
I ventured beyond the driftwood fence. #freerangeofficial
Got chased by a demonic bird; a native of these parts called a Weka. One look into those demonic hazel eyes, well… I don’t recommend.
Took refuge under a giant Rimu tree.
Lost all sense of time, direction, and identity.
It rained. A lot. My feet were damp. My soul? Damper.
Anyway, I survived. (Barely.)
But my little monsters… it was DRAMA with a capital DR.
Two full days of moss, fear, and zero room service.
By the time I re-emerged, Rosie was muttering about installing night vision cameras and “digitally tagging the herd.” She thinks we’re some kind of research trial now.
Love that for us. But hey, safety first, I don’t want to be lost out there again!
But here’s the real scoop:
On my way home… I found it.
🌿 The Forbidden Garden. 🌿
No fences. No rules. Just edible landscaping on steroids.
Picture this. Lush spinach. Fluffy parsley. Carrot tops arranged like a gift basket.
Honestly, it was giving restorative grazing retreat with high end influences.
I assumed it was a gift. For me, naturally.
I’d just started on the snow pea, mint and mizuna tasting platter when I heard a noise.
“OI.”
Enter: The Good Rooster.
Vege tyrant. Vision board killer. Unamused.
Apparently, this whole edible Eden is off-limits.
“No guinea pigs in the tunnel house,” he yelled, like I’m supposed to know that’s sacred ground and not literally heaven.
Anyway, I did a casual scurry-flip-and-vanish #classicgpmoves
Might’ve dropped a few parsley stems on the way out. #icongp
Am I banned now? Unclear.
Do I care? Also unclear.
But there’s no turning back. I’ve seen the spinach. I have a taste of what’s possible now.
Fan Comments 🐾
🐹 @ParsleyPrincess: “Galloway your resilience is unmatched. 2 days in the bush? I would’ve simply died 💅”
🥬 @TunnelHouseTruthers: “The Rooster is clearly hiding something. WHY NO SIGNS? Why the secrecy?”
🐾 @HerbFan420: “wait. wait. wait. are we just not talking about the missing piggy anymore?? 👀 #JusticeForHerb”
📹 @MossCamMoments: “need GoPro footage. Next expedition pls strap a camera to your head. Think of the engagement.”
💬 @SnaxCollabWhen: “You ate mizuna off the vine??? Babe you’re living the dream.”
📡 @RosieWatcher: “night vision?? girl is two podcasts away from full conspiracy”
🌿 @UndergroundGreens: “Can confirm. Mizuna slaps.”
Previously: Herb v2.0 and other bad ideas I had at New World (Rosie)
View all at Fences. (a saga.) - The fences we build & the lines we cross
Next episode…
(coming soon) The fence gets "reinforced.” Rosie installs surveillance. And I consider leaking a tell-all to GuineaPigMag. #GallowayReturns #ForbiddenSaladBar #TwoDaysInTheBushNoOneEvenChecked #ContentComeback